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If you’re human, you maintain an unwritten list of pet peeves. They’re those itsy bitsy things that annoy you, prompt frequent complaints and quite often have no rational basis. They are imaginary rocks in your mental shoes.

My oldest daughter hates being late. For her, being on time means being 15 minutes early. My youngest only sleeps with one side of his blanket down. It’s either “Puppy side down!” or “This ain’t happenin’ tonight, big guy.”

Me? Well, it’s not that I don’t like noisy eaters. I just wish they’d eat someplace else, like at home, in the basement, with the doors shut and the television on loud enough that we can’t hear them across town at Applebee’s.

What is it about someone smacking and attacking their food like it’s an escaping hostage that drives me nuts? It’s not my food they’re abusing; it’s theirs.

I think I’ll work on that in 2012.

What other pet peeves could I try to put to sleep this year? Maybe we should talk about cellphone service. On July 20, 1969, not only did we put a man on the moon, we watched and listened as he uttered one of most famous lines in human history: “That’s one small step for man; one giant leap for mankind.”

More than 40 years later, the most well-known phrase might be, “Can you hear me now?” How is it that in 2012, I can’t make a phone call during long stretches of the drive from my home in the Shenandoah Valley to the Northern Virginia metro area? If noisy eaters constitute a domesticated pet peeve, then dropped calls might be my wild African lion. It’s a miracle I’ve never chucked my phone out the window.

Yeah, I get it, that one could use some work in 2012, too.

Have you ever been to a movie theater and been relieved to find it mostly empty? You choose a seat with your date or best buddies and settle in. All is well in your cinematic universe, right until another moviegoer strolls along and sits either right in front of or right next to you. Really? There are 400 empty seats and you’re now my popcorn pal?

Take a deep breath, Jason. What’s the real harm? Maybe they’re lonely. Next time that happens, I’m going to share my Milk Duds and insist they take a breath mint.

We can’t forget drivers, can we? I’m probably the only one who’s ever been cruising along happily in the left lane when I come upon someone driving the speed limit. Who drives the speed limit in the left lane? Are you kidding me, Gran Torino? Don’t you realize I’m following you so closely that you can see what the bugs on my windshield had for breakfast?

I’ll admit it, that pet peeve could prove a challenge to overcome. But this year, I’ll do my best to relax, wait for them to slide into the right lane, and then pass safely and legally on the left. I’ll even try not to give them my angry-eye Mr. Potato Head look as I blast by at 15 over the speed limit.

What are your pet peeves? Watching your husband drink from the milk carton? How about your wife reading over your shoulder? Kids not closing the door when they come and go? Dripping faucets? What about people who squeeze every last drop of root beer through the straw?

Guess what, they’re probably noisy eaters, too.

I better not make any guarantees about my pet peeves in 2012. Broken promises really get to me. At the very least, perhaps, I can be more aware of them, and to what degree I let those imaginary rocks into my mental shoes. If your list is as long as mine, you might join me.

Oh, I almost forgot one more annoyance. You know those columns about pet peeves? Yep, those really bug me, too.