[mashshare]

Smile if, as a child, you ever made a list of your best friends. Smile again if you ranked them, perhaps writing, “Al is my first best friend; Stephen is my second best friend; Eric is my third; and Matt is fourth.”

Many of you are smiling. I know I am.

I remember making such a list on the inside cover of my Trapper Keeper when a good friend and I had a serious argument. I don’t recall the exact nature of the disagreement, but it was surely something important. Maybe, “Who would win a cage match between Luke Skywalker and Indiana Jones?”

I don’t know which side I would have taken. I only know that he didn’t like me, and he wasn’t afraid to let the entire lunch table know it. So down the list he fell. Thankfully time and a couple of recess summits eased the tension and he climbed back up the list.

Obviously, I don’t make lists anymore and neither do you, but the lesson hasn’t been forgotten. No matter how hard I try, some people will like me while some people won’t.

I had an experience not long ago when I discovered that a friend of several years actually didn’t care much for me and, to this person’s credit, I suppose, was courageous enough to let me know it.

Nothing lifts the soul quite like being told, “I don’t like you.”

What can we say? Some people we get along with, others we don’t. Some people we want to share a meal or game night with, some people we don’t. This personality meshes well with that one, but less so with the one down the street. Most of us want to please everyone, but we also understand that sometimes, despite our best efforts, we just won’t make the list.

Because I’m a writer, I have the pleasure of having more than just my personality criticized. When I first began writing, I struggled with how to handle the occasional bad review. I checked Amazon and other sites frequently to see what readers thought of my novels. In one case, I stumbled upon a review by a friend from church comparing me quite unfavorably to one of her favorite authors in my genre.

“It’s a good thing I don’t still keep a list,” I thought.

For better or worse, I’ve had plenty of other people tell me how much they dislike my books, my style, my religion, etc., and through necessity I’ve had to accept that I can only write my best and be who I am.

I’m grateful the negative reviews are the clear minority, but does that make them easier to hear? Despite mostly positive reviews through the years, what have some said about “Christmas Jars”?

“This may well be the worst little Christmas book you will ever read. It’s based on the silly premise that jars of money, given with love, will change lives. Strangely, this book was loaned to me by the same friend who introduced me to ‘At the Manger’ last Christmas, which I plan to re-read, now that I’ve gagged my way through this one.”

Ouch, that’s going to leave a mark.

How about this review of “The Wednesday Letters”?

“I left my copy on the plane and feel sorry for the next person who reads it. A truly mind-numbing experience.”

Come on now. Quit holding back!

What’s my all-time favorite review? It’s a tough call but here’s a contender:

“I have read plenty of books and this one was just so corny it made me want to wretch. … I understand this made the New York Times list, they have really lowered the bar. … I also think that this story was a veiled attempt to promote pro-life beliefs. Stupid and juvenile, it was like reading a Harlequin book. A sheer waste of my time and money.”

All right then, you’re entitled to your opinion. Now please excuse me while I eat a pint of rocky road and call my mother.

In the end, what does it matter that someone says they don’t like you or me? What does it really mean that someone reads your book, sees your movie or hears your song and says it didn’t measure up? If we’re doing our best to be honest, to treat people fairly, to get better each and every day, isn’t that enough?

Some will like you, others may not. Some will defend you, others will rejoice in your defeats. That is a truth.

The more important truth is that others will like you, others will defend you, and those who matter most will rejoice when you succeed and catch you when you fall. Life is too short to please everyone. As long as God remains at the top of your list, your ultimate reward is secure.

Now, back to my ice cream.